I felt like I was just dragging myself through the trenches this week. Isn’t life just the pits sometimes?! When I’m absolutely spent, I put so much pressure on my husband to pick me back up again; and let’s be honest, that’s way too much pressure! I expect my husband as my partner to fill Christ’s position as comforter, and that is oh so wrong! I desperately desire to be unified with him in those moments. While my husband isn’t the most perfect consoler (he is a man after all), he brings me immense comfort knowing that he is a man of the Lord; a man that when realizing his lack of understanding, turns me to Christ instead.
I desire unity with my husband more than anything else in this world, and in doing so, I completely miss what my husband is trying to tell me in his lack of action. We expect our husbands to know exactly how we’re feeling, but the truth is, they just don’t; we as wives are complicated creatures. When I’m unloading on my husband, expecting to be comforted, he sits in silence; It infuriates me beyond belief. I’m swimming in absolute sin at this point, ladies! I know in hindsight because of much prayer with the Lord, that he just simply doesn’t know what to say. I work myself up in knots thinking he doesn’t care, but that’s just not true. My husband is just as complicated as me, and if I took the time to pray in these instances, I would be reminded that I can’t read his thoughts either. I expect the instant gratification of being comforted, but that’s just not how marriage works. Every day of marriage is a learning lesson, and for ours, immensely so. We have yet so much to learn about each other and to teach one another. Christ has so much to teach us about unity in our marriage.
I’ve been reading this short devotional on the You Version app that has really tugged at my heart and totally flipped my views upside down about our recent argument. Isn’t it amazing how God’s word can change everything in hindsight?! I wish I could turn off all my sinful tendencies, and His word wouldn’t be used in hindsight, but in that instant.
Only the Spirit can bring unity. Only the Spirit can free us from our pettiness and from the forces of guilt and sin that divide us from God and from each other. I totally miss the mark when I forget that the Lord’s purpose for our marriage is to teach us the fruits of the spirit. There is no foundation that can teach us love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control quite like marriage.
There is a reason that the Bible gives us reference to Paul the Apostle who draws a parallel between marriage and spiritual unity when he tells husbands to love their wives “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25). For Christians, marriage is a reflection of the deepest unity: the unity of God and his church. In a Christian marriage, therefore, it is the unity of God’s kingdom, in Christ and in the Holy Spirit, that matters most. Ultimately, it is the only sure foundation on which a marriage can be built. “Seek first God’s kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matt. 6:33).
I’m going to make it an absolute habit that when I feel let down and divided from my husband, to read this and be in prayer to understand how my husband is feeling and how I can bring more unity in those situations.
Dear Lord, unity in our marriage is about so much more than just agreeing on things. Your Word tells us that our unity actually reflects You to others. Our disunity reveals how far we are from You in our spiritual lives and character. Help us to keep a mindset of unity that is tied to the Truth in Your Word, rather than view our decisions and disagreements as competition of thoughts and will.