I’ve had this misconception my entire life that people walk around wearing masks (hypocritical or not) that cover up deep conversations in their mind, emotional torment, and anything truly real. The older I get, I realize now, more often than not, that some people really are just, “What you see is what you get.” Maybe it’s the weird intellectual and creative gremlin jumping around in my mind, but there is more to me than meets the eye. There’s a story under there, and truthfully I’m not hiding it, but no one seems to bother digging in either. When I meet someone or attempt to cultivate a relationship I already have, I have this deep longing to know them for what they feel and what they think. I honestly believe that what resides in your mind and your heart is essentially your essence. What worries me most about the age in which we are living, is that I’ve learned, that for an unsettling amount of people, there just isn’t anything there!
I keep playing this cat and mouse game trying to tear down walls with people, only to discover that there was nothing even there to begin with. I had this assumption that they were keeping me at a distance, but the truth was, they didn’t need walls. There was nothing there to find; no intellectual substance, no emotional turmoil, just purely superficial being. I haven’t quite decided if that’s a bad thing or not. Maybe it’s just easier that way. For now I’ve just come to the conclusion that I am certainly different.
I struggle to connect with people in a superficial world, and that can leave me feeling pretty lonely. Maybe that’s the special bond I am capable of sharing with other Christians who have been changed by the Holy Spirit. It hasn’t worked for me yet, although I’m still holding out hope. I have no shame anymore about speaking my mind and being blatantly obvious about how I feel or standing up for those who are honest with themselves. That in itself makes it difficult to connect with people, but in theory, I want to be an open book that warrants others to feel as though they can be as well.
People make jokes of it, as if it’s an act to seem more “deep.” It doesn’t offend me, but it does make me question what sets me apart from them. It strikes me that they don’t understand. What part of my mind is different then theirs? I’m sure it will take me a couple more decades around the sun to figure it out. Till then I hope individuals like me somehow gravitate in my direction because it gets pretty lonely in a daft and considerably vapid world! I know God created me just as He intended; He renewed my mind for His purposes, that I may be more in tune with the Holy Spirit.
I’ll just leave you with these verses to ponder:
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.