Truth is, as a Christian we just feel more. There is this loud groaning inside us that longs for His presence; in fact, He designed it that way. The weight of existing in a sinful world is like an anvil, forcing the joy out of our veins. Even Jesus felt its weight.
“And He said to them, ‘My soul is deeply grieved to the point of death; remain here and keep watch.’ And He went a little beyond them, and fell to the ground and began to pray that if it were possible, the hour might pass Him by. And He was saying, ‘Abba! Father! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will.'” Mark 14:34-36)
The Bible says that so great was his anguish, that he sweat “drops of blood.” (Luke 22:44)
I’m not sure why, but I’ve always struggled with days of despair; they come and go, for what seems like no apparent reason. I know they are a consequence of living in a fallen world; they are the consequence of a battered heart, one that I was unable to guard. But the surest thing I know, is that I am truly thankful for that groaning heart. Without it, I would be a shell of a body; without it I would not long for my Father. So I will embrace the despair that ebbs and flows like the sea, drawing me closer to the shining shore.
For me personally, putting on some music and expelling it all in my art journal, is the perfect kind of worship to ease my groaning heart.
(While we don’t agree theologically on everything, this song says what I need to say.)